Category Archives: Anxiety

Pandemic Diary: 1 October 2020

Holy cow, October already. And still sheltering in place. The infection rate is currently very low here, but it’s starting to go up again in other places—like Brooklyn, sadly—so we continue to be careful.

The first presidential election debate was Tuesday. It was a total shit-show, with Trump shouting over both Biden and the moderator for the entire hour and a half. And he said some super disturbing things. He refused to commit to telling White supremacists to stop the violence, and he reiterated his threats about not respecting the election process.

I haven’t been able to sleep since then. I still believe that the majority of Americans don’t support him, but there’s definitely a powerful minority who do, and they’re scary people. Given the last election where we went to bed thinking Clinton had won, only to wake up the next morning to President Trump, I’m not counting on anything this time around. And Trump has pulled so many unbelievable stunts since then that there’s no room for certainty about the future.

Whether he wins or not, I’m really afraid of that violent minority and what they’ll do. With the pandemic still raging, too, we’re in for a serious rough patch in America.

Pandemic Diary: 4 Aug 2020

Right now Tropical Storm Isaias is pounding down rain on us. And the winds just picked up. We’re supposed to get sustained winds of 35–40 mph and gusts up to 50. We cleared the deck yesterday to avoid things becoming “projectiles”. James thinks I’m overreacting. Granted, I specialize in Disaster Preparedness, but sometimes things ought to be taken seriously. I respect tropical storms as forces of nature. So why not be ready for it?

Sure, I have anxiety issues, but sometimes I just don’t get people who don’t get ready for potential disasters. I’m not always wrong about it.

Pittsfield highlighted in blue [radar image via]

Pandemic Diary: 25 July 2020

We were talking about our increasing desire to Get Out of Dodge for a couple of weeks. I realized the other day that I haven’t had time off since January, except when sick, which doesn’t count. I love the view from our deck, but even that after 5 months starts to look like Sameness.

My phobia of being trapped has started to insinuate itself again. I’ve been good at not feeling it until about last week. Thank God I’m on anti-depressant/anxiety meds! I’d literally be suicidal by now without them. That steady drip drip drip of isolation stress is building up and would have flooded me if it weren’t for the miracles of science.

Anyone on meds for anything should never disbelieve in science. I hope all the anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers, etc., have never taken meds for a chronic illness, or know anyone who has. That includes blood pressure meds, insulin, asthma inhalers, allergy medicine, pain relievers, dry eye drops, hell—even bandaids. Do they still put moss and honey on cuts?

They’re either total hypocrites or in a state of complete cognitive dissonance.

Rant for the day.

Owl’s Head Escape cottage, Mansonville-Potton, QC, August 2015

Shelter from the storm

I woke up with this song in my head. Music often tells me what I’m feeling, and offers me hope and comfort in disquieting times.

In my head I hear Bob Dylan, but Claire Anne Taylor expresses my feelings better in her interpretation. Thank you, Bob and Claire, for giving me light in the darkness.


Rain pours down.

A crow flies.

Show me how.